American Idle (Threats)

You have either been the victim of one or the instigator. I'm talking about idle threats. There are the typical ones:
"You better stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!"
Or, "Wait till your father comes home. You're going to get it!"
Or, "If you don't pick up your toys, you won't see the light of day until you're 18!"
When driving across the country with two young boys, no dvd player (see previous post), and thinning patience I have found myself uttering threats that I know I would never follow through with. Apparently, Wes and Wyatt know this, too.
For example, as we were driving from Utah to Steamboat Springs the other day, we stopped at a view point of the beautiful Utah desert. (No joke, it was actually beautiful, see picture below.)
Carrie and I wanted to get a simple picture of the boys overlooking the beautiful view. Pretty simple task, no? Before we snapped the first picture, we told Wes, "Get your hands away from your face." and Wyatt, "Look at Mommy's head not the ground." So we took the first one...
Wyatt looked at his shadow and Wes is squinting, but looks like he's sitting on the pot. After reviewing it, we told the boys to try again. But again Wes was playing with his hands and Wyatt was looking at anything but the camera. Theat number one came out: "Boys, if you don't do what we ask we will get back in the car right now and not rest."* So, picture number 2 was taken:
This time Wes is again squinting, but Wyatt looks like he is sitting on the pot. After some more threats, "Boys! If you don't both smile at the camera we won't go swimming when we get to the hotel! You don't want that to happen, do you?"* So, we decided to do a different pose with them standing up.
Again, Wyatt sees something on the ground that is much more exciting than Carrie's camera and Wes looks like he's seen a ghost with his raised eyebrows. I was beyond frustrated! Remember, we have been driving in a car all day long and all that comes with that...bickering boys, slow rv's, intermitent rain, hotel quality coffee, etc., So, the next threat was from me. "Boys, if you can't do this I am going to drop you off at the top of that cliff, drive back down here, take a picture of mom and I, and then come back and get you!"*

Well, maybe it was not that dramatic. But the point was made. I was serious and the boys knew it. After some tears, Carrie telling me, "Really, Bill!?!" and some kinder, gentler words, we got the picture we were hoping for.
Several more hours were spent in the car. The threats were less severe ("Wes, give that toy to your brother or I'm throwing it out the window!") and we survived the 7 hour trek to Steamboat Springs. It is beautiful here and I will post more about it later (think rodeo, ski lift, and bbq).

*The Lassiter family does not endorse nor regularly use the parenting styles illustrated here. Maybe some of it was made up, maybe not. You'll never know.

First Stop, Excali...uh, Saturn Dealership?!?

We headed out on our trek yesterday morning with a sense of wonder and adventure. The car was packed and because Carrie did a great job shoving everything in to the suitcases, we were able to get the boys' bikes in the car.
Things started out great with our first bathroom stop a mile and half down the road. (Wes: But I didn't have to go at the house. Wyatt: Me too! Me too!) But once we really got down the road, things were great. We were having a great time in the car pointing out the finer points of the "high desert." (Wyatt: Look, Dad! Chuck E. Cheeses! Wes: Ooh, and a Red Lobster!) I was shocked they had a Red Lobster in Victorville. A couple hours down the road and the boys were getting cranky. We decided it would be a good time to pop in a movie on the dvd player. After a few minutes of haggling between brothers (Wes: But Wyatt...I really like Tom and Jerry. Wyatt: I don't...mwow, mwow.) they picked Ratatouille. We got headphones out, movie in, pushed play, and nothing. No picture on the screen, no sound, no nothing. The screen was extremely hot, but no movie started. At a rest stop, we tried everything. Turn car off, then on. Leave car on, unplug all power sockets. Pray. Nothing worked. Our dvd player (which is one of the reasons we bought that car) was shot.
Here are the reactions of the family as we slowly realized there would be no movies on this road trip.


Okay, so it wasn't that bad. The boys were pretty good, but we still have to get half way across the country and any form of entertainment for a 3 and 6 year old would be great. We cruised into Las Vegas Saturn (which, apparently, is now Las Vegas Kia). The helpful guy there told us he could install the new dvd player...in 5 days when it gets there. As thrilling as 5 days in Vegas with kids sounds, we passed and headed to WalMart to buy a portable dvd player...mostly for our sanity. It was past lunch time, so...
That's right! I am eating a homemade baloney sandwich IN a Wal-Mart parking lot. I'll be accepting my Joe Dirt Award at this year's White Trash Gala.
So, we got a dvd player and case and headed for the next surprise for the boys...Shark Reef at Mandalay Bay. Wes was a little excited when we told him.
This place was really fun. The boys enjoyed looking at all the cool sea life. They even gave us these devices you hold up to your ear and listen to information. Wyatt shushed me a couple times because "the lady is talking to me!"
The boys' favorite was the lionfish, of course.
After a fun time in Mandalay Bay, we decided to go check into our hotel. We got in no problem and got ready to go to the pool only to be told that the pool was closed because of a thunderstorm. We told the boys not to worry that after dinner we would head to the Lion Habitat at the MGM. That, too, was closed when we ventured over there. So, we decided to pacify them by going to the Coca-Cola store and have some root beer floats. Those always make a guy feel better.
After a quick stroll back to our "castle hotel" we went to sleep.
Day 2 of our road trip was much less eventful. We made it to Richfield, UT and are staying at a REALLY nice Holiday Inn Express. The pool was great and we had it to ourselves. We had dinner at a roadside diner and can't wait to get to Steamboat Springs tomorrow. Seriously, what could possibly go wrong?!?

Lanch in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1....

We are just about ready to head out. I can't believe how much preparation it takes to go on a road trip, but I think we got the basics covered.
Clothes...check
Car washed and cleaned out...check
80 pouches of fruit snacks...check
Deck of cards for hotel stays...check
Tom-Tom GPS...check
42 hour book on c.d...check
The boys are super excited. We got them some cool USA pillows to use while we're on the road. We also told them today that we are going to be staying in a castle during our first night's stay (the Excalibur in Vegas). Wes stated, "That's great! I hope we get to meet the King!" Maybe I'll let him peek at an Elvis slot machine!
Wyatt got so excited today that he got into the suitcase declaring that he was ready to go!
So, our bags are packed, the cooler is full, our hopes are high, and ready to roll. First stop, Las Vegas...

The Adventure Begins...almost!

Yes, it's been a few months since I last posted. However, I felt it was my duty to begin an educational string of posts. I'm here to educate anyone who is crazy enough to drive across the country with their family by chronicling my adventure.
Yep, we are driving across country this summer...with a 3 and 6 year old! Our journey will begin at our home in Fontucky, CA. We will stop in Las Vegas (THE family destination) before heading to Richfield, UT. Why Richfield? They have a nice Holiday Inn Express there! From there we will head to Steamboat Springs, CO for a few days. Then off to Illinois with stops possibly in Kansas or Iowa or Missouri or wherever we want. In Illinois we will spending time with our friends Brian and Emily in a little town called Morris (I think named after the cat from the 1970s commercials). We will then go to Indiana for a couple weeks with possible mini-adventures to Cincinnati (for baseball games) and other tropical destinations.
On our way home we will be stopping in Kansas City (for an Angels/Royals game) and (drumroll, please) a 3 night stay in ARKANSAS! Oh, man, I can feel the excitement.
So, if you want to be entertained this summer, tune in. We will be updating frequently and showing lots of pictures. Wish us luck...we will need it!