I don’t know when it happened. I’m not sure if there was an exact moment or if it just occurred over time. But at some point in my life I became a cynic. I became jaded with certain life situations. My outlook on life had become negative.
I realized this a while ago, but today I really knew it.
School started yesterday. I was really looking forward to this year for many reasons. I will no longer be the vice-president of my teachers association which will free my time to concentrate more on my class. I was looking forward to giving my students more of myself this year. Then I had a conversation with a first year teacher.
I asked her how her day went. She said it was busy, but fine. And then she said, “I didn’t get to do a lot but go over the rules. I can’t wait to start making a difference.” Wait a second! Hold the presses! Make a difference? Oh, yeah! That’s why I got into teaching in the first place…to make a difference. After nine years of teaching, I had forgotten WHY I became a teacher.
Don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’ve done a horrible job over the past several years. But I haven’t been doing the best I can do. I haven’t been trying to make a difference in the lives of my students day after day.
My mind has been clouded with other crap over the past few years. I became a cynic. I was the first one in the lunchroom to complain about my students. I came to work to socialize. I tried to “get through the year” instead of trying to “make a difference.” I was counting the days until school ended. I was in it for the wrong reasons.
No more. I have made the decision to make this year, my best year. I have made the decision to MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
I say all of this publicly because I need the support of my friends and family to do this. Hold me accountable
3 comments:
Based on the first part of you blog, I was really going to give you a hard time. For example, "Admitting that you are 'Mr. Craby Pants' is the first step." But then I read the last part of your email - Deanne had never seen that clear, salty discharge coming from my eyes before. I am pullin' for ya man, I'll be there for ya. Change the world Bill, change the world! Kyle.
Based on the first part of you blog, I was really going to give you a hard time. For example, "Admitting that you are 'Mr. Craby Pants' is the first step." But then I read the last part of your email - Deanne had never seen that clear, salty discharge coming from my eyes before. I am pullin' for ya man, I'll be there for ya. Change the world Bill, change the world! Kyle.
Along with sarcasm, cynicism is one of the absolutely most detested characteristics I can think of. I lived with that, and you know it, even if you don't remember it. Bitterness is ugly and hurtful...and people who are bitter hate themselves and have to use sarcasm and cynicism to be "someone". Isn't that sad? Life is to be lived and after all, God wants us to be happy, joyous and free. Stay your spiritual path and you will have no reason to become bitter. All I've ever asked of you is to do your best, you always have, and you have always been blessed.
I love you with all my heart.
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