American Idle (Threats)

You have either been the victim of one or the instigator. I'm talking about idle threats. There are the typical ones:
"You better stop crying or I'll give you something to cry about!"
Or, "Wait till your father comes home. You're going to get it!"
Or, "If you don't pick up your toys, you won't see the light of day until you're 18!"
When driving across the country with two young boys, no dvd player (see previous post), and thinning patience I have found myself uttering threats that I know I would never follow through with. Apparently, Wes and Wyatt know this, too.
For example, as we were driving from Utah to Steamboat Springs the other day, we stopped at a view point of the beautiful Utah desert. (No joke, it was actually beautiful, see picture below.)
Carrie and I wanted to get a simple picture of the boys overlooking the beautiful view. Pretty simple task, no? Before we snapped the first picture, we told Wes, "Get your hands away from your face." and Wyatt, "Look at Mommy's head not the ground." So we took the first one...
Wyatt looked at his shadow and Wes is squinting, but looks like he's sitting on the pot. After reviewing it, we told the boys to try again. But again Wes was playing with his hands and Wyatt was looking at anything but the camera. Theat number one came out: "Boys, if you don't do what we ask we will get back in the car right now and not rest."* So, picture number 2 was taken:
This time Wes is again squinting, but Wyatt looks like he is sitting on the pot. After some more threats, "Boys! If you don't both smile at the camera we won't go swimming when we get to the hotel! You don't want that to happen, do you?"* So, we decided to do a different pose with them standing up.
Again, Wyatt sees something on the ground that is much more exciting than Carrie's camera and Wes looks like he's seen a ghost with his raised eyebrows. I was beyond frustrated! Remember, we have been driving in a car all day long and all that comes with that...bickering boys, slow rv's, intermitent rain, hotel quality coffee, etc., So, the next threat was from me. "Boys, if you can't do this I am going to drop you off at the top of that cliff, drive back down here, take a picture of mom and I, and then come back and get you!"*

Well, maybe it was not that dramatic. But the point was made. I was serious and the boys knew it. After some tears, Carrie telling me, "Really, Bill!?!" and some kinder, gentler words, we got the picture we were hoping for.
Several more hours were spent in the car. The threats were less severe ("Wes, give that toy to your brother or I'm throwing it out the window!") and we survived the 7 hour trek to Steamboat Springs. It is beautiful here and I will post more about it later (think rodeo, ski lift, and bbq).

*The Lassiter family does not endorse nor regularly use the parenting styles illustrated here. Maybe some of it was made up, maybe not. You'll never know.

First Stop, Excali...uh, Saturn Dealership?!?

We headed out on our trek yesterday morning with a sense of wonder and adventure. The car was packed and because Carrie did a great job shoving everything in to the suitcases, we were able to get the boys' bikes in the car.
Things started out great with our first bathroom stop a mile and half down the road. (Wes: But I didn't have to go at the house. Wyatt: Me too! Me too!) But once we really got down the road, things were great. We were having a great time in the car pointing out the finer points of the "high desert." (Wyatt: Look, Dad! Chuck E. Cheeses! Wes: Ooh, and a Red Lobster!) I was shocked they had a Red Lobster in Victorville. A couple hours down the road and the boys were getting cranky. We decided it would be a good time to pop in a movie on the dvd player. After a few minutes of haggling between brothers (Wes: But Wyatt...I really like Tom and Jerry. Wyatt: I don't...mwow, mwow.) they picked Ratatouille. We got headphones out, movie in, pushed play, and nothing. No picture on the screen, no sound, no nothing. The screen was extremely hot, but no movie started. At a rest stop, we tried everything. Turn car off, then on. Leave car on, unplug all power sockets. Pray. Nothing worked. Our dvd player (which is one of the reasons we bought that car) was shot.
Here are the reactions of the family as we slowly realized there would be no movies on this road trip.


Okay, so it wasn't that bad. The boys were pretty good, but we still have to get half way across the country and any form of entertainment for a 3 and 6 year old would be great. We cruised into Las Vegas Saturn (which, apparently, is now Las Vegas Kia). The helpful guy there told us he could install the new dvd player...in 5 days when it gets there. As thrilling as 5 days in Vegas with kids sounds, we passed and headed to WalMart to buy a portable dvd player...mostly for our sanity. It was past lunch time, so...
That's right! I am eating a homemade baloney sandwich IN a Wal-Mart parking lot. I'll be accepting my Joe Dirt Award at this year's White Trash Gala.
So, we got a dvd player and case and headed for the next surprise for the boys...Shark Reef at Mandalay Bay. Wes was a little excited when we told him.
This place was really fun. The boys enjoyed looking at all the cool sea life. They even gave us these devices you hold up to your ear and listen to information. Wyatt shushed me a couple times because "the lady is talking to me!"
The boys' favorite was the lionfish, of course.
After a fun time in Mandalay Bay, we decided to go check into our hotel. We got in no problem and got ready to go to the pool only to be told that the pool was closed because of a thunderstorm. We told the boys not to worry that after dinner we would head to the Lion Habitat at the MGM. That, too, was closed when we ventured over there. So, we decided to pacify them by going to the Coca-Cola store and have some root beer floats. Those always make a guy feel better.
After a quick stroll back to our "castle hotel" we went to sleep.
Day 2 of our road trip was much less eventful. We made it to Richfield, UT and are staying at a REALLY nice Holiday Inn Express. The pool was great and we had it to ourselves. We had dinner at a roadside diner and can't wait to get to Steamboat Springs tomorrow. Seriously, what could possibly go wrong?!?

Lanch in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1....

We are just about ready to head out. I can't believe how much preparation it takes to go on a road trip, but I think we got the basics covered.
Clothes...check
Car washed and cleaned out...check
80 pouches of fruit snacks...check
Deck of cards for hotel stays...check
Tom-Tom GPS...check
42 hour book on c.d...check
The boys are super excited. We got them some cool USA pillows to use while we're on the road. We also told them today that we are going to be staying in a castle during our first night's stay (the Excalibur in Vegas). Wes stated, "That's great! I hope we get to meet the King!" Maybe I'll let him peek at an Elvis slot machine!
Wyatt got so excited today that he got into the suitcase declaring that he was ready to go!
So, our bags are packed, the cooler is full, our hopes are high, and ready to roll. First stop, Las Vegas...

The Adventure Begins...almost!

Yes, it's been a few months since I last posted. However, I felt it was my duty to begin an educational string of posts. I'm here to educate anyone who is crazy enough to drive across the country with their family by chronicling my adventure.
Yep, we are driving across country this summer...with a 3 and 6 year old! Our journey will begin at our home in Fontucky, CA. We will stop in Las Vegas (THE family destination) before heading to Richfield, UT. Why Richfield? They have a nice Holiday Inn Express there! From there we will head to Steamboat Springs, CO for a few days. Then off to Illinois with stops possibly in Kansas or Iowa or Missouri or wherever we want. In Illinois we will spending time with our friends Brian and Emily in a little town called Morris (I think named after the cat from the 1970s commercials). We will then go to Indiana for a couple weeks with possible mini-adventures to Cincinnati (for baseball games) and other tropical destinations.
On our way home we will be stopping in Kansas City (for an Angels/Royals game) and (drumroll, please) a 3 night stay in ARKANSAS! Oh, man, I can feel the excitement.
So, if you want to be entertained this summer, tune in. We will be updating frequently and showing lots of pictures. Wish us luck...we will need it!

I'm Calling You Out!

I woke up this morning and turned on the television. On it was NBC's coverage of the LA Marathon. I can't believe it was a year ago that I ran that thing. It was great to see all the people at the starting line, the familiar backdrops of Los Angeles, and normal, everyday people trying to accomplish something great in their lives. I will never forget the feeling of finishing my marathon last year. It was a feeling that is indescribable (you can read about it on some of my earlier blog postings).
It got me thinking about doing it again. Yes, I said it. I am thinking of running another marathon. Maybe it's the nostalgic feeling I got from watching the coverage on the television. Maybe it's my way of fighting off old age. Maybe I'm just plain crazy. But a seed has been planted.
And here is my challenge to anybody who reads this. Run the Disneyland Half-Marathon with me in August. That's right. I'm calling you out! If a fat dude like me with a bum knee can run 26.2 miles, ANYBODY can run 13.
I have already signed up for it. August 31st. I will begin training in May. I want my friends and family to run with me. As exciting as finishing the LA Marathon was last year, the race would have been much better had I had the accompaniment of my friends. So, who's with me?
A couple selling points - you run THROUGH Disneyland with everybody else. It is Labor Day weekend so you don't have to worry about going to work the next day. You run THROUGH Angel Stadium (which will be great in a year in which they will win the World Series again!). It won't be hot because the race begins at 6 a.m.
So, here's a few people I am calling out specifically...
Kyle - Put down the pizza and do this! You wanted to run the LA Marathon last year, but didn't. This a good chance for you to make up for it.
J.J. - your brother and sister-in-law are already running it. You 2 can Step Up! (Yes, a play on words!)
Jimmy - a chance for you to drink only water and not have people make fun of you. Plus, since you live close to me, we can train together.
Kevin Reynolds - Remember the comment I made to you about bragging about playing "real sports" instead of the Wii? Now's your chance to shut me up.
Ryan Lane and Kevin Siana - Finally a chance for you two to determine who's fastest once and for all. I'll even bring a football and pass it to you at the finish line. Person who catches it gets bragging rights for life.
Anybody from school - we can train before and after school together at the park and throughout the summer. We can even put a challenge together ala Biggest Loser for finish times.
I have laid out the gauntlet. Who is ready for the challenge?
P.S. There is also a 5K "fun run" for anyone who can't do a full 13 miles, ladies.

The Magic of Disneyland

As you may have read on Carrie's blog, we took the family to Disneyland this weekend. Wes, Wyatt, Carrie, my mom, and my grandpa all spent three days in the Magic Kingdom.
I have so many memories of Disneyland as a kid. We would go twice a year...once on Labor Day and again around Christmas. I remember the first time I went on Matterhorn the first Electrical Parade I saw, the first time I met Mickey Mouse, and the first time I spit on people from the skyway. What was great this weekend was experiencing some of those "firsts" from a dad's perspective.
We've been to Disneyland many times in the past, but it was different this time. I think it was different because there were four generations of my family present. My grandpa talked about the things he remembered the first time he went: the stagecoach ride, Autopia, and the tea cups. My mom talked about the things she remembered as a child: riding the tea cups on my grandpa's knee, E-tickets, and running free on Tom Sawyer's Island. We thorougly enjoyed ourselves!
One of my favorite moments came on Saturday night. I remember as a kid sitting on Main Street waiting for the parades to begin. I would dance with the Disney characters in the middle of the street then plop down next to my mom and wrap up in a blanket. The lights would go down and the music of the Electric Parade would come on. That cheezy, synthtic music that you had to clap with. Wes and Wyatt got to experience that for the first time. I absolutely LOVED watching Wes' eyes light up when he first saw Mickey and the gang on the first lit up float. Then came the blue fairy, the train, those weird catepillars and mushrooms, the cheshire cat, Pete and his Dragon (remember that movie?), and, of course, the salute to America float. Wes was in awe of the technological advances of the 1970's, especially the way the turtles talk. Almost like Crush in California Adventure!
However, my favorite moment had nothing to do with a parade or a ride or a meal. My grandpa wanted to go to the water front to watch the boat. We wheeled him down there next to Wes in the stroller. The two Wesleys sat, side by side, watching the ducks and the boats and the people on Tom Sawyer's Island. I happened to get a picture of it and plan to have it framed someday. I asked Wes what he was doing with Papa Wes down by the water and he replied, "Nothin'. Just watching stuff with my Papa Wes. He likes to watch stuff like me."
It was great weekend all in all. We went on rides, saw shows, ate at Goofy's Kitchen, got Pluto and Goofy's autographs, got pictures with all sorts of characters, and had lunch at the Blue Bayou.
Disneyland is a magical place for all children. But it is just as magical, or even more so, when you see it through the eyes of your own child.

New Kid Back on the Blog

After an extended absence from the blogging world, I decided to get back in the game. And what event/subject has wrestled me from my semi-retirement? BEERFEST 2008!

A quick history of Bill and beer, first...I wasn't a big drinker in high school, like some of my friends. And when I did drink, it was usually a wine cooler or Lynchburg Lemonade or something like that. I tried beer sometimes. In fact, on my 21st birthday in Las Vegas I bought different kinds of beer (strawberry beer, Sapporo, and honey wheat). I was barely able to swallow them down. At some point, after I turned 21 I came to the realization that I can't keep ordering appletinis, purple hooters, and strawberry margaritas the rest of my life without being accused of having a vagina. So I gave myself a challenge. I said that for 3 months, whenever I went out to eat, I could only order beer or water to drink. No buttery nipples, no rootbeer shnaps, no Malibu and Coke. I wanted to be a man. And the rest, my friends, is downhill. I started to enjoy beer after the first 2 months. It was cheaper AND more filling than an Alabama Slammer. I started to love beer.

I've tried different kinds over the year. My favorites in the past have been Corona, Amber Bach (I even named my softball team "Amber Balk"), Fosters, Blue Moon, and the great Jeremiah Red from BJ's.

Last weekend I took a trip to Japan, the Himalayas, Croatia, Belgium, Germany, San Luis Obispo, Jamaica, and other places. I tried 19 different beers at BEERFEST 2008. This was the first, in hopefully many more, annual festival of beer. The best thing about it was the fact that not one of the people who attended, including myself, drank too much. When drinking dixie cups of beer, it is hard to create a buzz. All in all, I learned a lot about my personal tastes and the tastes of some of my friends. I am not an IPA fan, as my friends Kevin and Ian are. Croatia makes a really crappy beer. Red Stripe (it's red beer!) is a great summer beer. And my favorite was the one I brought, Blue Moon. Apparently, even though I was drinking beer, I can still be accused of being a woman when adding an orange slice to my beer. ("You can't fruit the beer, man!") Hey, I like my beer fruited, so BACK OFF!

I want to thank Kyle for hosting this historic event and for all those who participated! It was a great time and I look forward to doing it again!

8 Random Facts about Bill

Apparently there's a new "phenomenom" in the blogging realm. It's called a "MeMe."

The Meme Rules:

1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog (about their eight things) and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

1. My nickname. During my last year in little league my coach nicknamed me “Truck.” I even got a shirt with my nickname on it. I was called “Truck” for the first couple of years of high school. One of my teachers even called me it because he heard another student call me Truck. My coach nicknamed me Truck because he thought I ran like a Mac Truck…really slow at first, unable to make sharp turns, but once I get going, I can’t stop easily. Just how I run in softball now.

2. I cannot remember any parts of the songs I sang in the musicals I was in in college, but I CAN remember the one line I had in my fifth grade musical…”I, Lyndon Baines Johnson, do solemnly swear that I will faithfully execute the office of President of the United States and preserve, protect, and defend the Constitution of the United States, so help me God.” I have enjoyed watching inaugurations ever since.

3. In college, I could not grow a goatee. I tried, but failed miserably with little strands of blonde hair here and there. I thought I should try to dye my pitiful excuse for a goatee to make it more noticeable. JET BLACK was the flavor of choice. Unfortunately, I did not read the instructions on the can which asks to “test the product on your arm to make sure you are not allergic.” Sure enough, my goatee was black, but the skin under it and all around was red, swollen, and chapped. It looked as if I had a bad sunburn on my chin and upper lip.

4. I can’t sleep in cars or airplanes. I don’t know why, but I have never been able to. So, when JJ and I drove to Oregon from school I wasn’t that upset that he slept for 12 hours of the car ride in the middle of the night. I wouldn’t have been able to sleep anyway.

5. I have 16 chest hairs. Just counted them because, hey, that’s random and I wanted to know.

6. My 12th birthday, October 12, 1986, I chose NOT to go to Magic Mountain, but to watch the Angels clinch the pennant. As it turns out, I should have gone to Magic Mountain. For those of you who aren’t familiar with the ineptitude of the Angels, they were ONE STRIKE away from going to the World Series. Donnie Moore gave up a homerun to Dave Henderson which tied the game and the Red Sox won that game and the next to go on to lose to the Mets in the World Series (thank you, Bill Buckner). That memory has stuck with me a long time, which is why I teared up (yes, I admit it), when I got to see the 2002 Angels beat the Yankees, Twins, and Giants for World Series trophy. It made that season so much sweeter!

7. I cooked dinner for Carrie and had my friend, Damian, dress up like a waiter for our first date. Poor D-dog. He had to wait in the bedroom of my apartment and read magazines, occasionally coming out to refill our glasses. I definitely owe him big time!

8. When I am stressed, I apply my hand to my forehead at my hair line. If you ever see me with the front part of my hair sticking up, be nice…I’m stressing out!

Now for those who I want to see random facts about...

Carrie - surprise me with something I don't know
Dave - you are pretty random, so it should be good
Jen - Are you more random than Dave?
Smarts - One of my favorite "random" stories is of Kyle breakdancing on the corner in Canada...I'm sure there's more tales to tell...
Lanes - Wondering if your old neighbors will be on your list.
Vandes - Almost bought a shirt for Stef with one word on it in Denver. The word was "RUCKUS."

That should fulfill my quota since the Smarts count as 6, Lanes are at 4, and Vandes are at 4+.

Presidential Courage

I just finished a fascinating book called Presidential Courage: Brave Leaders and how They Changed America 1789-1989. I have always been interested in American history and, in particular, the Presidents of the past. (I am related to President Grover Cleveland.)
In this book, the author (Michael Beschloss) highlights how American Presidents have, at crucial moments, made courageous decisions for the national interest although they knew it might be jeopardizing their careers. It also shows the human side of these presidents (George Washington, John Adams, Andrew Jackson, Abraham Lincoln, Theodore Roosevelt, Franklin Roosevelt, Harry Truman, John Kennedy, and Ronald Reagan). These men were not perfect. Some were egotistical. Some made “back room deals.” Some were racist. Some vacillated while making these decisions. But, in the end, these Presidents made difficult decisions that have stood the test of time and have made America a better country. In Andrew Jackson’s words, these Presidents were “born for the storm.”
I intend to write 3 different blog entries discussing this book and the conclusions I have drawn from it. I invite you to dialogue with me during this.
So, let’s start with a three word question: What is courage?
It’s easy to see courage in the soldier on the battlefield who must carry out orders that may get him killed. But what about others who don’t necessarily put their lives at risk?
In the book, the author talks a lot about Presidents who made decisions that were greatly unpopular at the time, yet made a huge difference in the grand scheme of things. Both George Washington and John Adams made decisions for peace that were so unpopular at the time that people were seeking for these men to die. I find this absolutely fascinating, especially in the case of George Washington. The Revolutionary War hero was elected by Electoral College in 1788 and 1792 UNANIMOUSLY, yet a few years later was very unpopular. Why was he unpopular? He negotiated a peace treaty with Great Britain because he knew that the American army was so depleted that it could not take on the Redcoats again and win. In his home state of Virginia, Revolutionary veterans made toasts that stated, “A speedy death to General Washington.” John Jay, who bargained with the British for the treaty and for whom it is named after, stated that he could walk the 15 states at night by the light of his burning effigies. Easy to say that Jay’s Treaty was very unpopular. But in the end, he knew it was right. He pushed it through Congress and set a Presidential precedence that a President should not just preside. Martha Washington stated that Jay’s Treaty hastened his death. President Washington was content to let history provide his reward and wrote, “The arrows of malevolence, therefore, however barbed and pointed, never can reach the most vulnerable part of me.”
Similarly, John Adams, who was always worried about the comparisons to Washington, became very unpopular by granting a peace treaty with France. It actually cost him the election in 1800 when his political rival, Thomas Jefferson, won. News of peace with France, without costing the United States anything, arrived after the election. Peace had been achieved with France, relations with Napoleon Bonaparte were opened, and it led to Jefferson’s Louisiana Purchase. Adam’s treaty with France spared his young country a confrontation that might have threatened its survival. None of this would have happened if Adams had been too timid to defy his own party, the Federalists. It was Adams quote, “GREAT is the guilt of an unnecessary war,” that many people today echo regarding our country’s current war. He dreamt that his tombstone would read not about his role in waging the Revolution, but, “Here lies John Adams, who took it upon himself the responsibility of Peace with France in the year 1800.”
There are other acts of courage that this book points out. President Lincoln deciding to enact the Emancipation Proclamation, which could have made reconciliation with the South and re-election impossible. He was attacked by his friends and stated, “God knows, I have at least tried very hard. And to have it said by men who have been my friends that I have been seduced by power!” President Theodore Roosevelt taking on the big industry leaders, like J.P. Morgan, who controlled his party. His cousin, FDR, standing up to Hitler by supporting Great Britain before the United States was involved in World War II. This was in stark contrast to the isolationist mentality of most Americans at the time. President Kennedy finally enacting the Federal government to help the civil rights movement.
After reading about these controversial decisions, I have come up with some conclusions about courage. Courage is doing the right thing no matter the cost. It is going through a course of action that is right while overcoming fear. This fear could be fear for your well-being or fear from major consequences. You may never know whether your action was right. Kennedy had doubts and did not live long enough to see his civil rights bill pass through Congress. FDR wasn’t around for the end of World War II. But these decisions were right. They were courageous.
You don’t have to look to a President to see courage or a courageous decision. Courage is found in the adolescent who turns down pot when his friends are all doing it. Courage is seen in seen in the child who jumps into the pool the first time overcoming her fear.
After President Truman went against his advisers and racist Americans to acknowledge the new country of the Jews, Israel, he stated that the ultimate test of any Presidential decision was “not whether it’s popular at the time, but whether it’s right…If it’s right, make it, and let the popular part take care of itself.”

Yosemite Wedding

The family and I got back from an AMAZING weekend in Yosemite! We were there for my buddy Dave's wedding. I cannot believe that I have lived in California my entire life and have never been to Yosemite. I do not know how anyone could go into such a beautiful place like that and not thank God for creating it! Simply breathtaking!
I was honored to be Dave's best man for his wedding. We spent a couple of days together, just the two of us, hiking around the valley. It was a great time (insert homophobic gay joke here) together. It was good for the both of us as I got to share "secrets of marriage" and got to hear how happy he was to get married to Jen. And as much as I complained, Dave, I really enjoyed you trying to kill me running up to the top of Nevada Falls. And, thankfully, no bears broke into my car!
The wedding itself was awesome! I loved the whole day! Some of my favorite memories was breakfast with the boys at the Awahnee, second breakfast at the Awahnee bar, the unbelievable background scenery of the wedding, the "photo sessions" in the elevator, and connecting with old friends (Peter and Angie and Rachel and Aaron). My only wish about the wedding day and time was that I wish it was longer. I cannot wait to see the photos from the amazing photographers who stayed at Yosemite and put up with the diva...Dave.
The day after the wedding (Easter morning), Wes and Wyatt awoke to find the Easter bunny left a little gift for them. Unfortunately, a little "visitor" to our room found the basket first and there were several candies missing! After breakfast and packing we took a little hike to the lower Yosemite falls. We ate lunch at the base of the falls and Wes refused to look at the water because the mist was getting in his eyes. After hiking back to our car and standing a mile away from the base of the falls, Wes stated, "Hey, look...there's a waterfall there!" Glad he took in all the nature and beauty around him!

The Spring Training Tradition

It was dark days for baseball. Major League Baseball had just cancelled the World Series after failure to come to terms on a collective bargaining agreement with the players union. People took sides. How can anyone agree with someone whose average salary is a million bucks a year? On the other hand, how can anyone agree with owners who have been raking in tens of millions of bucks by keeping player salaries down? Greed vs. greed.

Many people swore off baseball at that time. I’m pretty sure I did, too. I even debated the issue with Dr. Webb in Advanced Communications class with Damian (which, incidentally, we won…the only debate Webb claims to have ever lost). I was mad at the owners. I was mad at the players. I was mad at the institution of baseball.

Then something happened. Something so profound that I had no choice but to embrace the national pastime again. I got bored over Spring Break. Yep, that’s how a 12 year tradition was born. Damian and I got in the old blue Honda Station Wagon armed with a Motel 6 book, a cooler of snacks and sodas, various phone numbers of friends who lived in the area, and not more than 60 bucks. We’ve been back every year since.

I’m sitting here at home, watching a spring training game on television. They didn’t have spring training games on t.v. when we first went. When we first went to spring training we walked up to the gate, bought our tickets, and ended up sitting right behind 3rd base. As the years went on more and more people started showing up in Arizona. Now it is more of a commercial thing than before. People flock to Arizona in March for baseball now. Damn bandwagoners! It’s okay, though. Let them come. Let them start their own memories and their own traditions. Just get out of my way in the beer line.

Here are the top 10 memories of spring training over the years…
10. “Blinding” Damian in the car with a bottle of Squirt.
9. Shooting a commercial for “The Gordon Elliot Show” in Mesa.
8. Having Bill Engvall copy my jokes.
7. “Wally World – Population 5!”
6. Convincing Eric Young to toss a ball to me only to drop it because I had 1 too many beers.
5. Sneaking warm beer in a cup from Circle K in a game then having Dave Hicks offer some to Jackie Autry.
4. “See…no tan lines.” “Thank you.”
3. Watching Marty turn into Tommy Lee in the hotel room.
2. Eating chicken wings at Hooters with none other than baseball god, Mike Wolff.
1. Being asked to get off my “f*&$ box” by Mike James.

To traditions and more memories.

Marathon Man

Well, I did it. I have so many thoughts and feelings about this weekend. Most of what I’m feeling right now is soreness. I mean it! I did not expect to feel THIS sore. All last night I’d say to Carrie, “Man I’m tired. I feel like I just ran a marathon or something.” I’ll probably lose one to three toenails. I have a blister the size of Texas. (I don’t have ANY chafing or sore nipples…thanks Body Glide!) It aches to get up. It aches to get out of the car. I’m not sure if I’ll ever see the upstairs of our house again. I feel like an old man…well, an “older” man. But, more importantly, I’m a marathoner.
Instead of giving you all a play-by-play of my 6 hours on the road (which I’d be willing to do if you asked), here are the top 10 things I learned while running my marathon…
10. The smell at the starting line of the race is a cross between banana, icy-hot, and diarrhea. (No kidding! I think some people “went” before the race started! Gross!)
9. For some reason, the race organizers make the miles between 21 and 26 longer than the other miles. (Can you believe that!? Those jerks!)
8. You should always have your first name on your shirt so you can hear strangers cheer for you. (It was GREAT to hear people say, “Go Bill!” and “You can do it, Bill!)
7. The minute after you cross you say to yourself, “I can do this again!” Then the adrenaline subsides, the pain begins and you say to yourself, “I’ll NEVER do this again!”
6. Having friends and family at the race makes a HUGE difference. (Thanks Curriers and Armstrongs! It was great to have you guys there to support me and to help Carrie. Ooh, and thanks Carrie and boys!)
5. There are a LOT of kids that run marathons! (Every time I saw one, it made me faster because I didn’t want to be beat by a kid!)
4. Running a marathon makes you very, very, very, very hungry! (I haven’t eaten so much in the last three meals than I have in the last 3 weeks!)
3. You become extremely angry when people say, “Almost there!” before mile 25. (I almost clocked a little girl at mile 14. Of course, I was in a neighborhood in LA where there were a ton of cops, so it probably wouldn’t have been a good idea.)
2. There are some WEIRD people who run marathons! (I saw a guy who ran backwards the whole time, another guy who was dressed like a medieval knight, and a girl who was painted gold.)
1. Finishing a marathon is one of the GREATEST feelings you can ever get! (Only 1% of the population has finished a marathon. Finishing is an unbelievable feeling. It might even be a better feeling than when the Angels won the World Series…that’s huge!)

Enjoy the pictures! They are me between Mile 18 and 19, the family after the race with my medal, me icing my knee, and my nasty toenail and blister.